im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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