I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
