Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
