he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You ruined the universe
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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