we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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