He managed to light the Jello on fire...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize