Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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