If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
