Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
