bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
pray to the hookup gods
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
