The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
