so explain again why im purple
no
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize