i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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