How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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