Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
