I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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