Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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