My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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