It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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