No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
