I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
