Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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