she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
