the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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