Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
