i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
