sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
