it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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