Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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