Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
