Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
