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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
