so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cannot find my penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dick very happy bro
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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