Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We have started to decorate penises.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
