Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
