Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
