There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
being pregnant is like rehab
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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