im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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