??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
