can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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