Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
