you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
