a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
