I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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