I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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