He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
