First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize