do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
