Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
