why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
