she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize