I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
