Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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