I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize