Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
