I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
