He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
