I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
