Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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