party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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