Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
