I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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