dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
