then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize