Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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