He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
