My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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