I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
