I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
