Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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