thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
