whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
