I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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