is your mom at the bar?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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