I wish my penis had an off switch
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
